Leading in a Crisis: What to do when people come to you moaning?
In a crisis people turn to their leaders for inspiration. Some even turn to their leaders to moan and complain. But how will the leader respond, especially when under-pressure?
Here we look at what happens when it goes wrong and the lessons for all leaders in these high-pressure times.
That is the second call today!’ said the team leader in a tone of frustration. ‘People must think that I have nothing better to do than to listen to feedback, moaning and complaining. After a deep breath she continued ‘what do I need to do to stop people moaning or giving feedback that is not asked for?’
Imagine this scenario played out with one of your organization’s managers or leaders: How would you handle this situation? What advice would you give? We asked a variety of client leaders as well as coaches within our partner community to share their perspectives.
Here is sample of some of the most insightful (and challenging) advice offered:
Navigate the advice offered in the following categories (left). Please rate the answers based on how relevant they might be in this situation.

‘Sometimes people need to get something off their chest – it is cathartic – going around with it bottled up or repressed won’t help your team’. [yasr_visitor_votes]
I know that Reed Hastings (Netflix) says ‘we are a team, not a family’ but at a time like this genuinely caring about others is what makes us human. I believe my humanity makes me better able to do my work… [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”]…and it also makes me feel good about myself and living my values. Yes, I do care about my colleagues and their families and I believe that the corporation and its shareholders benefit because I care.[/show_more] [yasr_visitor_votes]
‘Be empathetic. However, that does not mean you take the problems on to yourself. Help the person to step back and listen to their narrative…[ [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”]Let them know that they share the responsibility for dealing with the challenges, if something is not working help find a better way. Let them know that feedback is welcome, but that how it is given matters – negative or destructive feedback is likely to generate the wrong response.’[/show_more] [yasr_visitor_votes]
‘All communication is either ‘a loving response or a cry for help‘ says Tony Robbins, for example somebody who is ‘giving out’ may just be signalling that they are struggling’.
[yasr_visitor_votes]
‘You have to listen! Simply listening and showing that you care may be enough. Tell me what you are thinking? How are you feeling about that? What can I do to help? [ [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”]…these are some of the questions I would ask. For a small investment of patience and listening, I believe that the person can leave the conversation unburdened and better able to do their work’.[/show_more] [yasr_visitor_votes]
‘Take Steven Covey’s advice – ‘seek first to understand, then to be understood’. It is not a matter of whether something is ‘true’ or ‘false’, or whether the person is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ – it is merely a perspective…. [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”] Being open to a wide diversity of perspectives is vitally important to the manager who wants to have their finger on the pulse of their organization’. [/show_more][yasr_visitor_votes]
‘Don’t react. Don’t get defensive. Don’t take it personally. That would be my advice… [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”] Of course, that is much easier said than done. We are after all only human! I often find myself having to take a deep breath and not react’. . [/show_more][yasr_visitor_votes]
‘I am aware that how I react says as much about what is going on for me at that particular moment. If my own level of energy is low… [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”] …then talking to somebody who is complaining is draining. I have learned to be aware of my own narrative – try to maintain a non-judgmental stance’. [/show_more][yasr_visitor_votes]
‘I know it is very Brenee Brown, but I think it is important to be open, honest and even vulnerable – you don’t have to fix the person’s problem…[ [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”] …you don’t have to have all the answers – it is ok to say ‘there are days when I feel the same way…’ [/show_more][yasr_visitor_votes]
Don’t jump in to solve people’s problem – offering suggestions and providing direction. I think this is particularly important for us leaders… [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”] In most cases it is better to help people to clarify the problem and empower them to explore solutions’. [/show_more][yasr_visitor_votes]
‘How you respond may well be more important than you think – people are watching – how you behave in a moment of crisis sends a signal – it can inspire confidence and resilience… [show_more more=”show more” less=”show less”] How you respond can communicate that the org./team is in safe hands – that people’s concerns and challenges matter, that people matter’. [/show_more][yasr_visitor_votes]